One month April 29, 2008

One month ago, we giddily got married.

I have this bad habit of looking back to one day ago, one week ago, three weeks ago…

So, one month ago, we were basking in the happiness that could not be taken from us, ever.

A couple of days later, my brother left. I was sad to see him go, because it is likely that he will not come to visit again. Not because he doesn’t want to, but because finances and missing his family too much will probably be a barrier.

About three weeks ago, we went on a great cruise.

And today, we are just happy.

A bit of the airy, giddiness has worn off. We’re still waiting to get photos, so I haven’t been able to put together a scrapbook or get a glossy photobook made for us.

We still haven’t put some of our presents away.

I still see the ashtray on the patio table, a reminder of my brother’s presence.

I did kiss Jade early this morning, and we wished each other happy one month. Because it’s not really an anniversary (thinking of the word’s construction, which has year in it).

And when it comes down to it, when do we celebrate our anniversary now?

At first, it was the day we … hooked up. July 19 or so. (The date has to be looked up every year because the date is very hazy because of alcohol.)

Then last year, we signed papers to become domestic partners, as well as signed powers of attorney papers for financial and medical decisions. July 31.

And now we have March 29.

I’m guessing in future, it’ll be March 29. The special, formal day.

Scary new life April 25, 2008

I was telling my best friend about plans to visit a law school Jade is interested in attending.

Her: Um, didn’t you just buy a house?

Me: Yeah. A year ago.

Her: Didn’t you just get married?

Me: Yeah, we did.

Her: Ohhhh-kkaaay.

I think her point is that we undertook a major financial obligation when we bought a condo in what we knew was a declining market. And we did it knowing we didn’t like our jobs. But the condo was calling some nesting instinct we’d both been pulled by for years. And yes, we just got married.

Now our condo is worth less than what we paid for it, so we can’t sell, and we can’t charge enough rent for it to make our mortgage payment, so we’ll have to come up with the difference AND pay to live somewhere else.

We’d really like to wait out the housing market. We really do love the house, too.

But law school is also calling Jade.

And I’m fully behind her decision.

And it’s our decision, really.

No matter what we do, we’re committing to a huge outlay of money. It’s going to be a lot of stress. We’re not sure how things are going to work out, but we know they will.

One of the concerns is the possibility of living apart for a while. And yes, we did just get married.

I think we’re just going to have to take a deep breath and do what we need to do. We don’t have to make a decision just yet.

It’s starting to really hit me, though, that a decision for one of us affects us both.

We are in this together. And that doesn’t scare me at all. Together. Kinda cool.

Everything else will work out.

Because when I go home at night, I get to hug my sweetie.

She gets my jokes. She holds me when I am sad.

Even if we are physically apart, we will be together. Always talking, always laughing. Always loving and together.

I hate taxes April 15, 2008

I hate taxes.

Yes, I know I’m repeating myself. But I reallyreallyreallyreallyreally hate them.

Hate.

I suppose it’s not that bad. I was able to pay my state taxes online — California has this wonderful interface where you can tell them: Yup, standard deduction, yup this, yup that, and next thing you know, you’re done. Skip all the irrelevant shit.

I love California.

The feds, however, can suck it. I went to the IRS site, and was directed to all these private businesses. And I remembered why I’d never e-filed before; why should I have to go to some private schmoe who has contacts with the feds? How do I know what they’ll do with my information?

Ugh. But it’s April 15. It’s my own fault for dropping the ball. I registered, and I started plowing through questions.

My taxes are fairly uncomplicated. That’s the insidious thing about my forms, actually. I think I’m in for a fairly easy time, but after quadruple-checking those numbers and wading through dry IRS-speak for time immemorial my eyes start to dry out, my temples start to throb and I itch to leave my chair running, crying and screaming.

Further, the private federal e-file company I chose wasn’t nearly as streamlined as the California system. Could I just check a few boxes that in essence add up to, “Can I just fill out the online equivalent of a 1040A or EZ?” No. I had to acknowledge every form known to man in order to wade through what I owed. Capital gains taxes. Personal business forms. None of these apply to me! Why am I being asked this?

I got pissed, logged off, and got out my trusty pencil and calculator. Fuck the Interwebs.

And, the insult to injury: For California taxes, I have a spouse. For the feds, however, Lizzie is just an unrelated schmoe, less important to them than the schmoes they glom their tax business to.

I am two separate people.

Yes, I know, people have written about this. But it still irritates me.

Have I mentioned? I hate taxes.

/rant

Thanking April 15, 2008

A big weight has been lifted off our shoulders. After a marathon weekend of procrastination and not writing thank you cards, I found myself with a little spare time yesterday. A nap sounded like more fun, but the unwritten thank you cards were starting to radiate guilt.

And while we were writing them, I realized what really great friends we have.

• How do you thank the friend, who at the last minute, agreed to plant tiny pots of flowers to define our aisle? The same friend, who months ago gave us a few things to start our wedding planning off: two purses, a garter and a scrapbook wedding album. She said it was nothing, just what she hopes someone will do for her someday, when it’s her turn to get married.
• How do you thank the friends who scurried off after the ceremony to bring flowers back to our house, or who cut their socializing short so they could put out all the food and drinks because the caterer backed out for health reasons? And then had to go to work later that day?
• What do you say to the fatherly figure and his wife, who sneakily left a HUGE box upstairs? When we opened it, late at night, we found they bought about half of our small wedding registry?
• How do you express how thoughtful a couple of friends are when they send you a care package that included vintage Raggedy Ann sheets (yes, I, Lizzie, love Raggedy Ann and so WHAT?), and food from the meals our friend would make for us, if she and her husband could be here for our wedding. All my favorite things: her fantastic pancakes, syrup, and fixings for my other favorite dish, chicken curry and rice. Can’t wait to have enough time to make those meals. With any luck, we’ll get to see our friends this summer, though.
• And how do you thank the neighbors you wave at, but rarely talk to, who assembled a bucket of painting supplies so that we can paint a wall, as Jade mentioned she would like to do? How do people get that observant?

Now for the next wave of guilt. I’m still waiting for one address of a friend who came all the way from the coast. And Jade needs to get another address. And I need stamps. I tried to pick up stamps yesterday at the post office, but I forgot it was the day before tax day. Today will be even worse.

But the hard part is done. Writing thank yous when it was very difficult to find the words to thank all these great people, who happily shared our wedding day in one way or another.

Pictures April 12, 2008

We’ve both been putting this off. We feel like we haven’t been home in weeks, or able to have any free time. Which is pretty much true.

Thank you cards, still not written. On the list for tonight, when the weather isn’t so glorious outside. I can hear skinny girls pushing around chairs at the pool. I won’t get in the pool, but I ache to at least chill my feet into oblivion.

But I feel like we haven’t done any real posting since the wedding. For our far-away friends (and the new ones reading the blog), I present pictures, courtesy of Jonathan. We’ll have more later from another friend, the official photog, but we were so happy to get some to share right away.

Our attendants

We peek out, watching the ceremony about to begin.

Portrait

Together, after the deed has been done

Vows

On our way

(Click on the pictures to get the full effect of the captions. Oooh)

Happiness is such a small thing April 9, 2008

Happiness is such a small thing, but it’s an important part of our lives.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been the happiest I can remember being in a long time.

Marrying the woman I love. Having friends and a family member around for that celebration. Going on a brief honeymoon cruise and just enjoying being together.

We ate well. We saw dolphins. After the cruise, we watched a sunset together.

Life doesn’t get any better.

I need to hold onto that feeling as I drift back down in the the mundane everyday life.

Back April 8, 2008

We’re finally back from this thing we called a honeymoon.

It was fun. We got plenty of stuff we didn’t need, and I topped it off with a nice sunburn. Jade, luckily, is more or less immune to such things.

More later. Kitties and naptime call.

Heavy April 1, 2008

My hand feels a little heavy, awkward.  I feel self-conscious.

I’m wearing a large, chunky, textured titanium ring on my left ring finger. It just magically appeared there one day.

Jade wears the matching ring on her left middle finger because we misestimated her ring size. Wearing the ring on her middle finger (except for the day of the ceremony) is in some ways a joke about how our relationship will be. Different. Not following what everyone else does. Saying fuck you to the world. And in fact, me, sometimes, I’m sure.

I don’t feel any different after celebrating our commitment to each other. I don’t feel any more married.

I just have this ring throwing me off. I wonder if people notice it at work. I wonder if they will notice Jade’s?

Today is just a normal day. Life goes on as usual, even though we had spectacular happy day on Saturday, and have been basking in the glow since.

Yesterday at work, nothing could pierce my armor. Today, the armor is wearing thin, but I’m still really happy.