Out, out, out June 18, 2008

OMG. We are SO out.

Out at work.

It’s a relief, in a way, but yesterday, we felt like bugs under a magnifying glass.

It started when one of our coworkers saw us on the way to the courthouse. And then two more. It was that first one who said something to his supervisor, and then to one of our supervisors.

We got a couple of furtive congratulations when we went to work and then our supervisor asked if it was OK if she shared the news.

I thought about it for a minute, answered without really consulting Jade, and figured that there were two ways to do this.

Let people talk about us behind our backs or just come out to everybody.

We chose the latter.

Immediately, we had several women flock to our desk and congratulate us and say they had NO idea we were getting married; otherwise, they would’ve been there.

I showed them the pictures and then I was asked if we would mind if a message was sent out to the entire larger department, complete with a picture.

Well, news was traveling faster and faster. (It ended up as far as Seattle.) Might as well be in it the whole way.

Jade didn’t like the picture I gave. She was mortified, because we are holding hands, facing each other, looking happy as we are about to kiss.

I think I’ve been forgiven, if only because a) we are so cute, after all and b) because she got over feeling like a bug under a magnifying glass. Or at least stopped minding so much.

Sorry Jade.

Typical responses:

You didn’t tell anybody? You didn’t invite anybody? Is there going to be a party? Are you going on a honeymoon? I didn’t even know you were a couple. I’m so happy for you both. Cute picture. I liked your dress. I liked your suit. How was the crowd? Did you have to wait long?

People were really sweet. If there was anybody that didn’t approve of our situation, we didn’t hear from them.

We didn’t expect this kind of response, to be honest.

I didn’t get any work done most of the time I was at work.

People kept creeping over to congratulate us. We kept explaining that we just wanted to do it quietly, avoid the fuss. We explained we’d already bought a house together, had been domestic partners. Signing mortgage papers is honestly a lot more scary than signing your name to a marriage license, I said. We also wanted to be a part of history. And we were. About 65 couples got marriage licenses in our county yesterday. I’m not sure how many of them got married that day. I heard 30, but there might’ve been more.

I was sometimes embarrassed as more and more people came to congratulate us. Some of them I barely know. One I literally did not know. He came over, gave us both a good look to make sure he had the right people, and congratulated us anyway.

Another supervisor called a brief meeting later in the day, and we got applause at the beginning. When we came out, a different supervisor and a recently married-by-courthouse-but-straight coworker had arranged a quick little reception. They’d gone around town to find a party store, only to find it closed, before finding another where they could get plastic glasses and partyware. They picked up sparkling juice and a really delicious cake that even had our names on it. (I was not ungrateful enough to point out that my name was spelled wrong.) We even got a bottle of champagne to take home. Couldn’t drink it at work, obviously. They also sent around a really elaborately beautiful card that was signed by everyone in our department.

Wow. What a day. It was scary, a little mortifying but also a lot of fun.

We didn’t expect such warmth. Part of it might have been that we’d just gotten really bad news the day before at work, and it was nice to have a distraction from the moping that had been going on.

I did feel a little ashamed that I couldn’t talk about the March commitment ceremony, because very few people were invited. Jade did manage to put out there, without letting the cat out of the bag, that we’d already gone on a trip in April.

I guess we needn’t have worried about people not approving. Apparently they don’t mind. That’s really encouraging for two women who are still struggling with their lesbian identities and how to portray themselves in the world. At least we have a lot fewer people left to tell.